Sakura
by SoulCaliburSeigfried
Summary: There's a new girl in town, complete with Millennium Item. She's got her sights on certain CEO, whom she claims she knew in the past as her dear friend. What will happen between them? Well, certainly not love... MarySue, KaibaxOC Parody.
1. Prolouge: In the Beginning

**Obligatory Author's Note:** Hello, again. I posted this about a week ago, but it got deleted for some reason. I'm not sure what I did wrong, hmm….. Anyway, here we go again.

Basically this is a parody of such galling things as: the many heretofore "unknown" Millennium Items, the horror that is KaibaxOC, Mary Sues, and illogical romances. If you writethat sort of thing, keep in mind this is not based on any particular story, author or character. It's a_joke._Thus, not to be taken seriously. Thank you.

**Disclaimer: **Mr. Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters and properties. Basically, only Gorg the Caveman, "Crystal" and "Sakura" belong to me.

Got that? Right-o, let's begin…

**Prologue - In the Beginning…**

In the beginning, there was a caveman. Let's call him Gorg. Gorg liked to tell stories. Stories of his bravery against Mammoths, Sabre-Toothed Cats and other prehistoric paraphernalia. Some of Gorg's story were true, but most were just creative lies.

As time went on, people picked up on Gorg's ways and continued lying creatively to each other, until someone had the idea to write his Creative Lies down. And then someone else decided to put _his _Creative Lies on television. And, I expect, in the future they'll find a way to beam our favourite Creative Lies directly into our heads. But that is a story for another time.

At any rate, somewhere between books and television, yet another someone wrote a story using characters that already existed in someone else's Creative Lie and called it "Fan Fiction". It was a hit.

Unfortunately, after a while, fan fiction was infected by a certain Evil. As you may have guessed, that evil was a girl named Mary Sue. In the story of the King of Games, a meeting between Mary Sue and her bishounen prey will most often look like this:

Poor, unsuspecting Yugi Motou walks downs the street to buy some milk, when all of a sudden a girl, beautiful beyond all logic, jumps out of a Plot Hole. This girl is Mary Sue number four-thousand-two-hundred-and-twenty-nine. Let's call her Crystal.

"**OMG Yugi!1" **says Crystal.

"**U lyk, totally half 2 hlp!1! im lyk a ReIncArnated egiptan princess/preitess/neko demon/saiyan! i hve a miLlennium item and sooper speshul powerz!1!11! My Daddy is OMG so MEEN 2 me! U must hlp me cuz it is ur destiny!OMG!" **Here she stops for breath.

"**OMG nd my Yami sez ur Yami is deztinned 2 b her twu wuv cuz she sez so LOL"**

Neither Yami nor Yugi has any objection to this because their collective I.Q. has been magically reduced to that of a table lamp.

"**OK!"** says Yugi.

"**lolz"** says Yami.

And off they go a-skipping.

So you see any physically attractive man is putty in the hands of these beautiful Maidens of Illogic.

As I draw this long wandering prologue to a close, I'll say that this story has nothing to do with the King of Games himself. It involves his rival, his rival's brother, (woe be to them!) and a certain Maiden of Illogic.

* * *

Well, that's that. The actual story starts in Chapter One: **Enter Sakura, Exit Sense**.

Once again creative criticism is greatly appreciated!


	2. Enter Sakura, Exit Sense

**Author's Note:** All right, chapter one, here we go! And if you happen to use the name **"**KiBaSgUrL122" on anything, I'm sorry. It's not about you, I just pulled that name out of my head.

**Disclaimer:** **Disclaimer: **Mr. Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters and properties. Basically, only Gorg the Caveman, "Crystal" and "Sakura" belong to me.

**Chapter one: Enter Sakura, Exit Sense**

Seto Kaiba was having a very bad day. Firstly, he had gym class, which was bad enough. Usually he bribed his way out of it, but he had forgotten his cheque book in his office the previous day. Secondly, they were wrestling that class. Third, he had been partnered with Jounouchi. Lastly, he had lost their match. Being the vengeful, competitive, and generally unforgiving person he was, there was no way he was going to accept that. He was debating whether or not to have Jounouchi assassinated or just blow up his locker when he reached his limousine.

"Good afternoon, Sir," said the chauffer.

"Germph," grunted Kaiba, and threw himself into the back seat.

The chauffer sighed, started the car, and pondered the perplexities of wealthy teenagers.

When he arrived at the Kaiba Corp building, he "germphed" his way through the halls until he reached his own office.

"Aagh… c'mon, c'mon…" he grumbled impatiently as his top-of-the-line PC loaded.

Having "finally" reached his e-mail inbox, (in reality it had only taken about a minute) he proceeded to wade through a heap of merger offers, death threats and other things he didn't care about. Halfway through the list, a message entitled "**OMG!1!**" caught his eye.

_Omg. What is Omg? _He said to himself as he checked the sender.

**KiBaSgUrL122**.

_Great._

Normally he would have gone straight out to his secretary and given her a rather large piece of his mind for sending such an obviously worthless message to his in-box, but today he was in a vindictive, foul mood. He'd give it to "**KiBaSgUrL122**". That would teach her a lesson.

First though, he would have to read it.

Poor Seto Kaiba took a deep breath and braced for a nasty headache.

"**Dear Seto-kun**,"It read.

"**It just so hapens tht we wur bestest fwiends in da orfanige. (OMG, it wuz soooooooo kawaii:D) and u don't remember cuz of Gozaburo bein soooooo MEEN 2 u nd ABUSINNG u nd stuff! u must be soooooo SAD!111 im gunna com nd c u cuz i tink u ned a friend lol. **

**Luv, Sakura! xoxoxoxoxo**"

Seto stared at the screen, floating between flying into a rage and vomiting from pure disgust.

Before he had a chance to do either, his secretary's nasal voice rang out from the speaker next to his computer.

"Someone to see you, Sir."

Before he could tell her to tell whoever it was to go away, the office door opened of its own accord.

A creature of ultimate beauty entered. Long, flowing, wavy hair like spun gold fell gracefully down to her nymph-like waist. On her head two strands were twisted into jewel set buns. Another two strands, azure as the sea bounced in spirals past her shoulders. Shimmering violet orbs, deep as the star-strewn night sky stared from her alabaster face. Smooth pale blue eye shadow glowed beneath her perfectly shaped brows.

Her graceful neck sloped down towards her goddess-like bust. She wore a rose pink tee-shirt with a scarlet heart on it. She wore a very short blue skirt without being slutty. She had long sculpted legs. She was Mary Sue number sixty-two-thousand-nine-hundred-and-forty-seven. Let's call her Sakura.

Sakura's crowning glory was "tehAWsom millenum BeLt LOL" Yes, that was its official title. It (utterly unlike some other things) could initiate shadow games and detect other millennium Items. According to the dictations of LoggIck, the eighth millennium item must of course be the most important and more powerful than all others combined. Sakura was well versed in LoggIck.

Unfortunately forMissSakura, her beauty and power were totally lost on Seto Kaiba.

Who on earth are you?" he asked in a terse voice.

"Oh… didn't you get my e-mail? I'm Sakura! Don't worry, you'll remember me eventually!" She had a horribly perfect voice.

"Really…" responded Seto. At that same moment his hand shot out and pushed a large red button on the speaker. "Security!"

Sakura pouted in what she evidently expected to be a heart-wrenching fashion. "You're calling security? On me?"

"Yes, I am." He gave her a sadistic smirk as five burly men burst through the office door.

And fell into a Plot Hole.

"Wha…" Seto was nonplussed. He turned his eyes to Sakura, who smiled sweetly at him.

"Didn't you see? I beat them with my magical powers!"

"Magical… that's ridiculous! Get out of my office! Right now!" Seto's whole thin body was bristling with anger.

But Sakura's smile just widened. The stylised eye on her BeLt began to pulse with a hypnotic, golden light.

The light grew brighter and brighter.Poor Mr. Kaibatried to move, but found he couldn't. His head seemed to throbb in resonance with the horrible, pulsating light.

"I…I…_urgh…_" Most of unfortunate Seto's thoughts trickled out of his head and departed to a higher plane. His vision swam and his face felt hot. His poor, overpowered mind began to tell him Sakura was really very attractive, that he really had known her in the past, and that he really did want her around. What remained of his better sense took offence with that and began the mental equivalent a full-scale civil war inside his head. He clamped his narrow hands on his pain-racked head and collapsed on his desk.

Sakura slid her perfect body into the office chair next to him, face still smiling, BeLt still glowing. She gently patted his shaking back and waited.

In the quiet aftermath of his struggle against Teh BeLt, Seto Kaiba sat slumped, face down on his keyboard.

"C'mon, sweetie. Let's get you home," purred Sakura.

Seto's last, vague thought was that he didn't actually want to go home, but it fizzled out, leaving a fuzzy emptiness behind it.

Sakura's sweet smile returned as she led her docile "boyfriend" from the office by the hand.

* * *

Well, there you go. After this it'll star Mokuba, trying to thwart Sakura and umm... un-zombifiehis brother... It felt so creepy, describing Sakura like that...Ispent five minutes trying to think up a good adjective for her breasts. Urrgh!

What do think of Kaiba the Zombie? The way I see it, the only way you get him to believe Mary Sue-talk is to zombifie him. Especially that stuff about them being in the same orphanage as him. Correct me if I'm wrong, but, wasn't that a _boy's _home? And if it was, does it not utterly defeat the point of a boy's home to have girl there? It is teh weird…


	3. What's His Name

**Disclaimer: **Mr. Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters and properties. Basically, only Gorg the Caveman, Crystal, Sakura and the random chickadee that makes a brief appearance in this chapter belong to me.

I also uploaded a drawing a picture of Sakura to deviantart. If you're interested, there's a link on my profile.

**Chapter Two: What's-His-Name**

Mokuba Kaiba sighed. He turned off the big screen, high definition T.V and wandered out into the hall. The big mansion was lonely without his brother around. The young boy sighed again. Seto was working late. Again. When his brother got home, he'd have to see if he could ambush him into taking a day off to play games with him. Mokuba smiled, and plotted how that could be accomplished.

He had just put the finishing touches on his plan when he heard the maid's voice.

"Oh! M-Master Seto. You've… Brought someone home?"

Mokuba arrived on foyer just in time to see his big brother fall through the open doorway and lie motionless on his face.

"Seto!" Mokuba ran towards his fallen brother, but stopped when he heard a simpering voice say:

"Oh, don't mind him. Seto-kun's just a little low on motor functions right now."

Mokuba stood staring, nonplussed at the strange blonde beauty before him.

"Up… You come!" said Sakura as she heaved the prone CEO to his feet. Then she spotted Mokuba, standing a few metres off. Her smile disappeared.

The poor maid looked on in confusion. There was that strange blonde girl and master Mokuba in a staring match, while Master Seto stood quietly, hand in hand with the young woman, staring blankly at his feet. She was also not quite uncertain that he was drooling. She opened her mouth, then thought better of it. If she found out what was going on, it was likely to raise her blood pressure. Andthen the doctor would scold her again. She gave up the scene in the foyer as a bad job and skittered off.

Sakura was beginning to get a little nervous. The kid… Him…. What's-His-Name… She couldn't recall his name at all. But then, she had never afforded him much attention. At any rate, the little brat was staring at her.

(In reality, he was staring at his brother, trying to understand what was wrong with him. But, as Sakura like to imagine that all attention was directed at her, she can be forgiven her mistake.)

She had to find somewherewhere she and her "boyfriend" could talk. That was what she was _there _for. And to do that, she had to get rid of that bratty brother of his.

**Flash!**

"Hey!-" Mokuba Kaiba fell into a Plot Hole, which promptly disappeared.

"Oh- it seems your _dear _little brother has homework to do. He won't be joining us, but we'll be just fine on our own, won't we?" Sakura smiled again, though this time it wasn't remotely sweet. The girl took Seto's hand in a vice grip and set off to explore her new mansion.

Mokuba had, of course, been floating about in fictional oblivion throughout that discourse. (And longer.)Luckily for him, five baffled security guards and a highly distempered chickadee, the Plot Hole presently opened up again and deposited them on the tile floor.

Just when the poor maid had thought it safe to return to her duty in the foyer, it erupted in chaos again.

"_Dee dee dee chicka dee dee dee!_" said the chickadee.

"Sir! We're here! What's wrong?" yelled one guard.

"Oww! My _butt!_" howled another.

Mokuba said nothing, but began frantically looking around for his brother.

_Bump! _The poor maid fainted dead away.

After a few minutes everyone (except the chickadee) had calmed down and figured out where they were.

"So, umm… Sir," said one of the guards to Mokuba "What should we do?"

"Well, you can get rid of that bird for starters," answered Mokuba, swatting at the chickadee "Then… you should go home." He knew Seto would want him to keep his… problem… on the low-down.

After the security guards were gone, Mokuba sat down next to the unconscious maid to think.

Obviously, the first thing to do was to figure out just what on earth was wrong with his brother. (He'd bet anything that _girl _was behind it.) Then he had to fix it.

This was a very good plan, if low on details. But, simple plans are usually the best ones. The only hitch with Mokuba's plan was that he hadn't the faintest idea where Seto and the blonde girl had gone.

For the third time in the last hour, Mokuba sighed. He set off to find his brother.

Several minutes later, he found them. They were in Seto's room.

_Real smart, Mokuba! Should've looked there first… _

After mentally kicking himself for a few seconds, he set about eavesdropping on their conversation. He was very good at this, having spent most of the last few years eavesdropping on his brother's meetings.

"So, after that, y'know, being misunderstood and bullied by everyone at the orphanage-it was sooo lonely without _you, _Seto-kun- I ran away to find you, and after all this time, I did! " the blonde girl giggled happily.

Seto responded with a noise along the lines of "Mermf"

"_I _think it would be best for _both of us _if I stayed here… _Don't you, Seto-kun?_"

Mokuba got a chill. Up until then, the girl's voice had sounded sweet, but now….

Wait.

Why did he even understand what the girl was saying? She was speaking English, which he had only recently begun to learn. And the girl said she had been friends with Seto in the orphanage… He certainly didn't remember her being there. And since she was probably American- (Something like that, anyway.)- What was doing in a Japanese orphanage?

Mokuba pulled himself out of that most perplexing train of thought in time to hear:

"I think I'll go shopping… You don't mind if I use _this _do you, Sweetheart?"

"Mermf…"

"Good…"

Mokuba peeked momentarily around the open door, and saw the girl take a credit card out of his brother's wallet. His brother just sat still at the table by his window.

_Okay, whatever's worng with him is really bad. _Seto never let anyone (except Mokuba) near his wallet.

Mokuba jumped with shock, and dived behind a nearby potted plant. The girl was leaving the room!

"Bye, now, Darling!" she called back into the room. As she walked past, he saw for the first time the strange belt she was wearing.

_Huh… It looks like sort of likeYugi's pendant…_

But there was no time to think about that now; he and his brother were now alone in the mansion. He ran into the bedroom.

"Seto!"


	4. Not Really That Sweet

**Disclaimer: **Mr. Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters and properties. Basically, only Gorg the Caveman, "Crystal" and "Sakura" belong to me. Oh, yes. And the Chasm of Despair was mooched from a good friend of mine. Hi there!

**Chapter Three: Not Really That Sweet**

"Seto!" Mokuba ran frantically into the bedroom. Seto was sitting at the little table, still staring vaguely at the spot were Sakura had sat. "Seto?"

Seto blinked.

Mokuba held his breath.

**Bapf!** Seto's forehead hit the table.

Mokuba then set about shaking, tugging and shouting in an attempt to wake his prone brother. After some time passed, he collapsed into one of the chairs. He was at that time in danger of falling into another one Sakura's traps. A Chasm of Despair. A Chasm of Despair is rather like a Plot Hole, except, instead of engulfing a character in fictional oblivion, it bombards them with Angst. Angst is a substance that causes normally stable characters to weep like small children, write bad poetry in the dark, and attempt to cause themselves bodily harm with various sharp instruments.

Fortunately, Mokuba was saved from this most grievous fate because his brother chose that moment to gather a small part of his scattered wits. "M-Mokuba…?"

The Chasm fizzled out of existence as Mokuba leapt out of his chair and threw himself on his brother. This caused them both to crash to the floor.

"Seto! Seto! Are you alright? What happened? Who was that girl?" Mokuba babbled away in excitement, and then stopped suddenly when his brother opened his mouth to speak.

"I-I don't think I'm alright…" he mumbled.

Concern flooded through Mokuba's mind. "Why? What's wrong?"

Seto was lying in an awkward position on the floor, shivering slightly "I can't…m-move."

"Are you sure?" Mokuba asked tentatively. When Seto nodded stiffly, he hoisted his brother onto his shoulder. After a great deal of struggling and dragging he managed to get Seto on to his bed. "Seto, what's going on?"

"I don't know. I remember an e-mail…a-and that girl, I th-think she's called Sakura. She c-came into my office and then this light...I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't… Urgh…" Seto had been talking feverishly, without taking breath. Afterwards, he lay shuddering on the blankets, trying desperately to move.

Mokuba sat silently next to his brother. What exactly was going on he wasn't sure but, that girl…Sakura… It was all her doing! He then began concocting a plan to hide his brother, confront Sakura and fix it all somehow. This plan would never have worked, but Mokuba never had to find out, for a very unfortunate thing happened at that moment.

Sakura walked into the room.

"You… You… you little _brat!_" Sakura shrieked in inhuman (And rather immature) rage. "I'm going to-to-to-to... _Aggggghhh_!" Irrationalyviolent as Mary Sues generally are, they are not known for their articulation. Miss Sakura's rather half-witted response is really quite good for one of her kind. She managed not to curse like a scalded sailor.

Sakura stormed towards the brothers, all her "powahs" forgotten in her mindless anger. Mokuba leapt off the bed in defence of his brother, which was a braver thing than he knew; Mary Sues are illogically strong. His deed, however courageous, was pointless. Sakura threw him aside viciously, as though he were a bishie doll that had fallen out of favour. He collapsed against the wall, with spots wavering in his eyes. He barely even noticed when Sakura dragged his brother off the bed and out the door.

A minute or so later, Sakura was down the hall in Seto's home office. She roughly deposited Seto into the office chair and went over to the window to check her reflection. "Oopsie. That made my make up run a bit…" She wasquite right, in a twisted sort of way. Her "make up" was herseemingloveliness.Her hair was stringy and thin,and her face resembled not so much an unearthly, pristine beauty as a demented, sleep deprived bat. The rest of her body was likewise unflatteringly transformed. Seto's eyes widened in disgust at the sight, but she gave her grotesque true face little more notice thana normal personwould astray hair.

**Flash! **Teh BeLt did its magic. A moment later, Sakura was as beautiful as ever, except perhaps, for a certain hardness in her eyes.

"Oh, Seto-kun, don't stare like that, it's rude!" She had finally noted the way her unwilling boy toy was glaring daggers at her. Although, daggers is perhaps, an understatement.If looks could maim, Sakura would have gone home in several thousand small, bloody, unidentifiable pieces. "But, I'll make you feel better."

Once again teh BeLt flashed, and once again Seto's mind emptied out. Sakura smiled in demonic triumph. Nothing, she felt, could get in the way of her fun now. Mokuba, however, would likely disagree.

He had recovered from Sakura's attack, and was trying to think of what he should do. It seemed he couldn't handle this himself. He just wasn't strong enough. He sighed miserably.

_I should call Yugi... he'd know what to do. He's handled weirdthings like this…I can't do this by myself…_

Mokuba heaved himself off the ground and walked over to the telephone on his brother's bedside table in utter defeat. He put his hand on the receiver. He started dialling Yugi's number…

_No..._

_Seto always came for me when I needed him. He needs me, and it's my turn to save him._

_---_

Mokuba Kaiba put the phone down and went resolutely out into the hall. Come Hell or high water, he would save his brother.

Er, yeah. That was my first real attempt at writing something dramatic-y. I'm not sure how well it came out, please let me know.


	5. The Inconspicuous Linen Closet

**Disclaimer: **Mr. Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters and properties. Basically, only Gorg the Caveman, "Crystal" and "Sakura" belong to me.

**Chapter Four: The Inconspicuous Linen Closet**

Mokuba's determination wavered for a moment. Dramatic vows were all well and good, but, it didn't help the fact that he hadn't the faintest idea what he was doing. So far, charging Sakura hadn't worked, nor had trying to wake up Seto… Perhaps he could lure her away and take his brother somewhere she wouldn't find him. It was plausible; she didn't seem all that bright. That seemed a good start; it was better than anything else he'd done so far. Mokuba set off, once again, in pursuit of his brother.

Sakura, meanwhile, had relocated to a spacious sitting room on the first floor. She sat happily on a plush sofa with Seto flopped against her shoulder. The demonic teen babbled happily about popular bands, celebrity gossip, herself, clothing, makeup and herself.

A great advantage to having a listener incapable of thought or speech is that they are very unlikely to object, argue or attempt to change the subject. Rather unluckily for Seto, that was all Sakura cared for in relationships. Mary Sues are singularly selfish creatures; they do not appreciate intellectual simulation or challenges, if it means that someone is going to criticize their carefully constructed view of reality.

"So, I think I'll maybe get this _awesome_ silk handbag I saw earlier… 'Cause, like, money is no problem, right?" Sakura twirled her divine hair on her fingers, and winked coyly at Seto, who was staring blankly at the opposite wall. "Tee hee, I thought so!"

She carried one like that for quite some time. Had she been allowed, she would have planned a shopping trip costly enough to empty out the bank accounts of three Seto Kaibas. Fortunately for Seto and his bank roll, she was thwarted, more or less, by the same maid who had met her at the door.

"Uhm… M-miss Sakura," The poor woman was shaking like a wet puppy. "You're going to be, err, _taking care_ of Master Seto from now on, correct?"

Sakura considered this for a moment, then hopped up, bobbing her head like a hyper pigeon "Oh, yeah! Totally!"

"Taking care" of anyone had not been part of her original plan, but had just then decided that the idea of caring for someone so obviously helpless would be very fluffy and romantic. She chose to ignore the fact that it had been her BeLt that put her charge in his pitiable state. Besides, if it got boring, she just get rid of him and move on … Sakura giggled sadistically at the thought.

"Yes, I, err, thought so… Uhh, then I should probably acquaint you with, umm, some things that might help you… With that… The kitchen and medicine cabinets, and-" The maid was cut off by an excited squeal.

"Eeeeeeee! Show me, show me!" Sakura linked arms with the maid and scuttled out the room with her in tow. As they left, the maid winked at a large decorative vase next to the sitting room door. Mokuba poked his head tentatively out from behind the vase and returned the gesture.

_Phwew… It's going according to plan. I just hope she can keep Sakura distracted long enough._

Mokuba waited a moment, to ensure that Sakura was well gone before he made his move. As soon as she and the maid had gone round a corner he blasted from his leafy cover and into the room. He found his brother much the same as before: staring dully at nothing in particular. He didn't bother to wake his brother; it would take up to much his precious time. He simply grabbed his hand and turned to leave. As he had hoped, Seto followed docilely behind him.

"Good. C'mon, Seto." He charged back out the room, down the hall, around the corner and into a service corridor. He quickly found what he sought: a linen closet. "In you go…" He shoved his brother unceremoniously into the closet and started piling sheets on him. Seto lay crumpled on the floor, not even registering the ragged dish cloth that landed on his right ear. Mokuba noted with a wry sort of amusement that Seto had never been half so co-operative before.

Mokuba stood back to survey his work. It looked like… a linen closet. A messy linen closet piled with disorganised sheets, towels, dishcloths and old curtains, but nevertheless a perfectly inconspicuous linen closet. A place Sakura would never expect to find her "hot and sophisticated" boyfriend.

Now that his brother was safe, he had all the time in the world to get rid of Sakura. Mokuba was certain that Sakura's weird powers came from the belt she wore. The belt with the same eye-symbol as Yugi's pendant. What had Yugi called it? A Millennium Item? It had been something like that…

_So it must be one of them… That makes it easy! I'll just steal it, or something, and she'll have no powers! Maybe I should get the security dogs to chase her out after that…_

It is a generally acknowledged fact that Ignorance is Bliss. Ignorance and the bliss it induces are very dangerous things, especially in this case. Mokuba was quite ignorant to the demon that hid behind Sakura's face, and was confident and happy in his lack of that dire knowledge. Confident in a quick ending that was not likely to come. Happy that his brother would soon be back to normal. Unfortunately for him, that kind of bliss is fleeting.

Sakura headed happily back to the sitting room after being seen around some of the more obscure first aid kits and medicine cabinets in the mansion. The last thing she expected to see was an empty, Seto-free sofa. As a great wave of irrational Sue-violence overcame her, the lovely façade she had worn melted away once again, leaving her dark, greedy true form in sharp relief. The demonic creature, foaming with fanatical rage stormed out of the room in a jealous search for her missing-in-action boy toy.

Mokuba was on the second floor landing, which was a good vantage point to watch anyone coming or going around the mansion. He sat perfectly still, waiting for Sakura to show herself. She did show herself, and rather more forcefully than he expected.

"_Eeeyaaaargh!" _Sakura burst of the corridor that led to the sitting room, staring wildly out of rolling eyes.

Mokuba stood for a moment, gawping stupidly at that vision of adolescent evil, only recognisable by the belt and clothes she wore. He managed to tear his eyes away just in time, and scrambled a safe distance away to somewhere she wouldn't see him. Stealing that belt was going to far more difficult than he had thought.

**Flash! Flash, Flash! FLASH!**

Sakura began to fire off teh BeLt at random. At lack of any maturity or rationale, Mary Sues will generally turn to the astonishing powers they give themselves to solve their problems. Unfortunately for their canonical targets, it usually works.

"Ack!" For the second time that day, Mokuba Kaiba was swallowed by a Plot Hole.

Some time later, the vile Hole spat him up again. Mokuba sat quietly on the floor, listening for any sign of Sakura. The mansion was quiet.

_Okay… Is that a good thing? I have to make sure she didn't find Seto…_

He got up and started to run towards the stairs, but he tripped on something.

"Oww! What was…?" Mokuba stared down at his feet. Instead of his usual running shoes, there were ugly, gaudy sandals made of what appeared to be gold. When he examined them more closely, he saw the same eye-symbol as Sakura's belt.

_So…I have one to too, now? A Millennium Item? I bet I can use these to beat Sakura! Just I wish I knew how I got them…_

What Mokuba didn't know was that his Millennium Sandals came from the Plot Hole he had just been released from. It is a fact that the better part of Mary Sues get their own superfluous Items from Plot Holes of their own creation. If one falls into enough of them, one will surely find a Millennium Item in them. Another important thing about Sue-made Items is that even as the eighth overpowers the original seven, the ninth Sue- Item will overpower the eighth, and so on. Mokuba had just gained a great advantage, unbeknownst though it was.

Mokuba Kaiba, new wielder of the Great Yet Rather Pointless Millennium Sandals, set off to the linen closet once again.

---

Dun Dun DUN! Sorry for the amount of time it took me to finish this. I was on holiday for a week, and half dead of jet lag when I got back, so there you go… I know, it's stupid to bring in yet another Millennium Item, but figured the best way to LoggIck was with more LoggIck. Eyup. I think the next chapter will be the last one. I hope, anyway…


	6. Death by Sandal

**Disclaimer: **Mr. Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters and properties. Basically, only Gorg the Caveman, "Crystal" and "Sakura" belong to me.

**Chapter Five: Death by Sandal**

Mokuba sat against the door of the linen closet, panting. He had gotten there as fast as he possibly could, stumbling on his ridiculous sandals. His speed had paid off, fortunately. Sakura had either not come that way, or had passed the closet without discovering anything. He guessed the former, though. There was no fiery destruction at all in that particular hallway.

The boy looked down at the terribly ugly sandals that had strapped themselves to his feet. They, gaudy and illogical as they might be, were his only hope at getting rid of Sakura.

_I guess I should test them out…_

Mokuba reluctantly heaved himself off the floor. He stared expectantly at his sandals, and waited.

Absolutely nothing changed.

"Aww, man. I hoped I wouldn't have to try this…" Mokuba looked left, then right, then left once again for safety, cleared his throat and spoke.

"Hey, Sandals! Umm, why don't you… Uhh… Blow up the washing machine!" Mokuba waited a moment, and once again, nothing happened. Mokuba made a frustrated noise similar to "Gahk!" and stomped his foot in rage. He had made a fool of himself talking to his own footwear and had got nothing for it.

**Ca-rash! Splop, splop, swish! **A highly abnormal array of noises exploded from the laundry room on his right. Mokuba stared at the door for a moment, half dreading what he'd see.

What he saw was an utter mess. The washing machine had in fact, exploded. Judging from the many soggy socks plastered to the walls, floor and ceiling, as well as the large puddle of hot water on the floor, it had been halfway through a load.

Mokuba quickly came to the conclusion that giving his sandals an order in conjunction withstamping his foot was what activated whatever silly powers they had. Just in case, he decided to test his idea. "Okay, Sandals! _Fix_ the washing machine!"

The sodden mess stayed in place; not even one of the socks moved. Mokuba left the wrecked laundry room and closed the door. It seemed they couldn't undo anything they'd caused.

_If Seto asks… It was Sakura._

It is somewhat unusual for one of the eighth-and-upward Millennium Items to have any significant limitations on its power, for their purpose is to drown out all that came before them. If they do have any holds, they are trivial ones. For example, the twenty-fourth Item, teh uBeR l337 Millennium Garden Trowel, is utterly incapable of halting volcanic activity on Mars.

The Great Yet Rather Pointless Millennium Sandals, however, cannot undo anything they have done. Also, once their user's ultimate goal is accomplished; they vanish to whence they came. Once Sakura was gone, so were the Sandals. This would be, of course, a very, _very_ good thing. Still, Sakura was still very much alive, and much more experienced in the use of Millennium Items. Mokuba knew this, so, with great care, he set out in search of Sakura.

Sakura was no longer rampaging wildly through the large mansion, but lounging in the scorched wreckage of Seto's auxiliary office. She was sprawled against the upturned desk, still wearing her less-than-attractive true form. Her wonderful Beauty Mask did itch so, especially when things weren't going her way.

_Damn, that kid's getting to be a nuisance…When gets out of that Hole, I'll have to educate him a little…_

Mokuba was already out, as is already known, and in search of her. He was at that moment, conducting a thorough search of the downstairs bathroom. Sakura didn't know that, and being rather bored of mayhem and destruction, simply delighted herself with violent, perverse imaginings of Mokuba's "education".

Several minutes later, Sakura stopped giggling long enough to notice something. Her BeLt was acting strangely; the eye symbol was flickering with golden light, and the odd, cone-shaped ornaments were waving about of their own accord.

The words that ran through Sakura's mind were not fit for a biker brawl.

For Teh BeLt's odd activity could only be caused by another Millennium Item, one in close proximity. Hoping it wasn't too serious; Sakura rose and went out of the room, seeking to eliminate whatever was causing her BeLt to react.

Both Sakura and Mokuba worked their way quietly through the mansion. They were drawing nearer each other with every moment that passed, as Sakura could tell by the increased activity of hero own Item. The Sandals, unfortunately, could not detect her presence.

It was in the foyer, where they had first laid eyes on each other that they finally met in battle. Mokuba, fortunately, saw Sakura first. She was walking down the stairs carefully. It is difficult to walk down steep, slippery marble stairs at the best of times. When you are wearing three inch wedge heels, it is especially tricky.

"Sandals, take away her belt." Mokuba whispered to his mystic footwear and stomped his foot. Teh BeLt, flickering madly, the odd little ornaments flailing, ripped itself away from Sakura's elfish waist and flew six metres across the room. "Whoops…" He had hoped that would things for good. It seemed that he needed to be more specific with his instructions.

In the time it took to realize his error, Sakura had all but flung herself off the stairs in order to retrieve her beloved belt. With it in her claws, Sakura was a formidable enemy.

**FLASHFLASHFLASH!**

Every plot twisting anomaly in Sakura's arsenal was unleashed upon Mokuba. Plot Holes, Chasms of Despair, Tunnels of Lurve, and other myriad figments of illogic popped up everywhere. Mokuba was able to evade them through a combination of being small and fast, and staggering luck.

"Sandals," He gasped, "make her belt disappear forever!" he slammed his small foot to the floor as hard as he could manage.

There was no light. There was no sound. Teh BeLt and all its spawn simply vanished. Sakura stood alone, bereft of her greatest strength. Her Beauty Mask flickered back into existence and she put on her most heart rending tearful smile. "You don't really want to hurt me do you, sweetheart?" She was nauseatingly gorgeous in her desperation.

"Sorry, but really need to leave me and my brother alone now." Mokuba then said the fateful words. "Sandals, send Sakura back where she came from!" As with Teh BeLt, Sakura vanished without sound or light. She was simply gone.

Mokuba felt himself drop a centimetre or two as his ridiculous, miraculous sandals finally vanished. "Oh, good. They're gone." He wandered back to the linen-closet hallway, in a daze.

When he arrived, the fact that the ordeal was over was finally driven into his head when he saw his confused, groggy, dishevelled elder brother crawl out of the linen closet with a dryer sheet stuck to his coat. "Seto! Seto!" Mokuba hurled himself at Seto, throwing them both to the floor.

Seto had an absolutely seismic headache; he had just dug himself out a linen closet, and felt inexplicably… dirty. The only good thing that seemed to be happening was his brother's laughter. After a while, when Mokuba was calm, he gently extricated himself from his brother's bear hug and asked, hesitantly, just what on earth had happened. There had been few times he had felt more disgusted. After he had heard the explanation, he got up and began to walk off.

"Seto, where are you going?" Mokuba asked.

"'M gunna take a shower…" Seto mumbled in response.

Seto was had never been good with thanking people, even his brother, so Mokuba knew he would have to wait just a bit. "And then?"

"I'm going to take a bath."

Mokuba grinned. "And then?"

Seto Kaiba smiled. A tired, barely existent smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I'll do whatever you like."

- - -

And… We're done! At last… Hoi. I'm sorry that took so long. Really. Please forgive me! Wail

I'm going to start something new soon. A semi-parody of the whole cat ears thing. Once again staring poor Kaiba. He'll end up with the ears of something rather more… ignoble than a cat. I'd really appreciate you reading it and telling me what you think. Please?


End file.
